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well here i am, alone, naturally, writing from my bed, my one piece of furniture so far. this place is so weird and white and empty. i feel so isolated out here. i wish i had a phone to ring, not that it would.

So fine they’re all gone, and i’m still me, whatever that is. too much space to think here. i guess i fucked things up pretty badly to wind up like this, or maybe it’s better this way. no [Sebastian], no [Leland], no more phone booths and stupid scenes.

still, I thought things would be different. i mean i moved out and left somebody i loved, somebody who loved me, the only person who ever loved me, granted an insane person , as you would have to be to love me. i guess two insane people in a relationship is too many.

[Sebastian’s] a child, he can’t take care of himself, how can he take care of me? but at least he tried! i’m so fucked up. i can’t believe i treated him this way, and for what? [Leland] never loved me so fuck him. who needs any of them.

oh no not i, i will survive

cause i might be alone but at least i’m home

i might be alone but at least i’m home

“August 1, 1987

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