on the rebound, which is fine

August 31, 1995

Twenty-six years old, and I no longer suck my thumb. Amazing. Unbelievable.

And I haven’t hit myself since June, since I finally dumped Jackson, no take-backs. I never thought I would be able to change my life so much so fast. Judith is coming back in a few days and I can’t wait to tell her I quit my thumb. I hope she’s proud of me.

And I may have a new boyfriend, Anne’s friend Ted. He’s nice. He picked me up on my birthday for our first date on his ’78 Triumph, orange and dull green, gorgeous, did most of the restoration himself. I wished Jackson or Ava would walk by and see me putting on the helmet he brought.

First time I ever rode on a motorcycle and it was nerve-racking, but he was a very careful driver. He kept checking if I was doing okay. Thoughtful. I wasn’t holding on to him tight enough at first because I felt weird about pressing my body against his.

We went to John’s on 11^th Street, old school Italian, wine bottle candlesticks. We were talking about people we knew in common and the poetry scene. He’d seen me perform at Biblios with Anne and he said general approving things about it but poetry is not really his thing. Thank god. He’s more of a music guy. He’s learning to play guitar.

Anne told me he just ended a serious relationship with this girl Lauren. They’d been friends for a few years before they started dating, so it was kind of a big deal. So he’s totally on the rebound, which is fine, because so am I.

He has a job doing computer stuff at a bank. We talked about the Press, how everyone hates it but they all seem to read it. We got eclairs at Veniero’s, then he drove me home.

I probably would not have had sex with him right away except it was my birthday and I feel like you have to have sex on your birthday or the whole year will suck. It was just okay. It’s not going to feel like it did with Jackson because a) he’s not Jackson, and b) I barely know him. He’s going to pick me up from work on Friday, we’ll get some dinner and go to his friend’s party in Greenpoint.

I’m not madly in love right away but okay. I like him. Start there.

(To read the girl bomb diaries in chronological order, click here.)