Just seeing how hard it's going to be to keep from tripping out all day. Absolutely cannot stand five seconds in my mother's presence. Really feel miserable and low.

Maddy was confessing last night about Davis. How fucked up she is over it. Kept giving her anecdotes about me but, hey, what is relating about? Saying, “I think I understand what you're going through.” It's hard to admit that you’ve been a jerk, and the guy you thought was worthwhile actually sucks.

Today I peed on a prickly nettle off Route 40 on the way to Route 66. Right now I am in a concrete wigwam with cable TV.

I could swear that last night I was being very hilarious around Gary and Spyro. Sometimes I think when I'm comfortable I can be really funny consistently for an hour at a time. I'd like to be writing more comedy.

Well, look what happened. Instead of writing morning pages, I had morning drama. Ted was being distant, I felt sure he was seeing his ex Wednesday night and since then he's not sure about him and me.

I was busy today doing the text for the website, but happy to be busy. Not crazy busy either, just had something to do that took me all day and was creative but not entirely my generation.

I just realized how many little things I forgot today. I hate my shrink today because I feel like an idiot, like I do everything wrong. She thinks I make a fool of myself all the time, which is only partially true - only partially true that she thinks it, only partially true that it's true.

"I believe in the moon," she told me.

"Of course you believe in the moon," I told her. "The moon is real, it exists." It annoyed me so much.

"I believe in the goddess," she told me, and I said, "Yeah, I'm right here."

One month with Ted. Mostly great so far, so easy, no fights. I’m not totally in love with him, but I really like him, and the more time we spend together the more I see how different he is than anybody I’ve been with.

Twenty-six years old, and I no longer suck my thumb. Amazing. Unbelievable. And I haven’t hit myself since June, since I finally dumped Jack, no take-backs.